i've not been posting much on here or my website for a while, partially because I've been busy but partially because I've been going through a crisis of confidence over the last 2 or 3 months.
I think it all started when i went for my first mentoring session with an organisation called CIDA who aere supposed to help upcoming artists to establish themselves in business as succesful working artists.
The painter who was assigned to me was a nice man but the first thing he said to me was that he thought my work was more like illustration than fine art, and then started going on about how I should work on loosening up my style and being more 'loose and sketchy' in how I paint and draw things - after a year of perfecting my skills in portraiture to become more precise it was quite disheartening to be told my work was too precise!
after that meeting I became quite dissilusioned and my work rate dropped off due to being disheartened, but then I've noticed that there is a lot of that sort of attitude in Yorkshire, if you are not an expressionist or at the very least an impressionist then your work tends to be dismissed by many artists and members of the art establishment here.
the pressure to become more impressionistic in my art was so persuasive that I actually started to try to be more loose in my paintings, but that just made me feel worse because I wasn't happy with the results and began to lose even more confidence in my ability to paint well, after all if I can't paint in a loose and impressionistic manner then I can't be a very good painter!
but I've taken stock of things just lately and I've come to the conclusion that these other people are wrong to try and influence the way I work, I'm an individual not a part of the herd - if they want to paint in that way then good luck to them, but why should I be pressured into doing the same!
as an artist the most important thing is to express YOURSELF not what others think you should be but what you truly are, I'm a quiet introverted person, very cautious in my relationship with the world, and I'm an obsessive perfectionist, anyone who knows me well knows I cant help trying to make everything I do perfect, its a symptom of the mental Disorder I suffer from - Social Phobia Disorder, which in laymans terms is basically an extreme form of shyness, luckily I've had couselling for it and am on medication that helps me overcome many of my problems and lead a relatively 'normal' life, but I'm still a compulsive perfectionist and get depressed if things aren't just so.
bearing this in mind its hardly surprising that my art is also obsessed with perfecting details and getting everything just so, to do any differently would be to deny the sort of person I really am, and this is what my detractors in the expressionistic camp don't seem to get - by being precise and controlled I AM expressing myself as an individual, I'm just not expressing myself in the way that 'they' think I should.
I've decided that its time to stop listening to the biased views of other artists and listen to the inner voice that is me, if other artists don't like that, its their problem not mine, I need to paint in MY style not someone elses otherwise there is no point in being an artist for me.
rant over :)